POHODA AKO VŽDY

Tento rok bolo všetko inak. A čím viac sa ten magický dátum blížil, tým som sa viac a viac obával, že tento ročník nebude taký, na aký som zvyknutý.
Mnoho ľudí tam nešlo, mnoho ľudí tam išlo po prvý raz alebo po dlhej dobe. Rozhodol som sa nerobiť a kúpil som si aj nový stan. Po zverejnení line-upu som mal takmer prázdny piatkový program, ale jedna vec zmenila túto Pohodu úplne. Bola to prvá Pohoda, bez mojej milej.

Preto som ani len netušil čo od tohto roku očakávať. Musel som len počkať a zistiť čo tento rok prinesie. V stredu večer som začínal chillovať už na chatke s vínkom v ruke. Ráno ma prebudilo jemné slniečko a Rastík vytiahol kosačku. Bolo pomaly na čase ísť. Dolu v Strážove sme sa všetci postretali a boli sme pripravení vyraziť. Ani neviem ako som si sadol a odbočovali sme na letisko. Ako je Ľubošovým zvykom, jeho šťastena nás nasmerovala do najpomalšieho radu, tak asi po hodinke čakania kým sme odparkovali, sme konečne vystúpili z auta. Vtedy som uvidel môj stan (aj keď ešte len v obale) po prvý raz. Tak sme zobrali fľaše, pivá, stany, spacáky, karimatky a dobrú náladu a išli sme sa zaradiť. Tam ma zaskočilo hneď prvé prekvapenie. Narozdiel od minulých rokov bola vstupná brána priamo na ranveji a nie o kúsok vedľa na tráve, kde by sa aj fajne sedelo. Brána bola síce vyššia, ale o to užšia. Bolo tam asi 4 alebo 5 turniketov, čo mi prišlo zvláštne, Bolo ich podstatne menej ako po minulé roky. No a tak sme sa pomaličky posúvali po centimetroch a keď sme prešli prvou bariérou, zaradili sme sa do menšieho radu. Keď som sa otočil Ľuboš bol za mnou, čo značilo, že dnu sa len tak rýchlo nedostanem. A tak aj bolo. Všetci ostatní v druhom rade, ktorí boli asi 5 metrov za nami, vošli dnu o hodný kus skôr. A tak som sa nakoniec poposúval až ku mojim bývalím kolegom, ktorí ma opáskovali a ja som prešiel do areálu pohody. Teraz sa to celé mohlo začať.
Keď som SBS károm zhodil všetky tašky na zem čo som krvopotne niesol, tak sa ma len opýtal či mám nejaké sklo. Keď som mu odpovedal že nie, tak ma pustil ďalej. Mojich tašiek sa ani len nedotkol. Tak som si ich znovu akosi povykladal na seba a pohol som sa ďalej. Ak by som vedel, že to bude prebiehať podobným spôsobom, zobral by som si aj tie dve fľaše z auta. A tak sme sa presunuli k stanom a moja ruka už takmer odpadávala. Prišli sme až k Há dvojke a zhodil som svoje veci na zem. Po skúsenostiach z minulého roka som nechal postavať môj stan profesionálom a rozutekali sme sa s babami po lístky. Ďaleko sme však nezašli, keďže samotný areál za stanovým mestečkom sa ešte neotvoril. Do tretej bolo však len 15 minút, tak som si vravel, že to hravo zvládnem. Mnoho netrpezlivých prítomných, mi kazilo moju pohodu a moje čakanie, ale keď už bolo asi 10 minút po tretej, začal som byť nervózny aj ja. Zlomový bod nastal však vtedy, keď začali prichádzať ľudia z opačnej strany, kde sa brána už dávno otvorila. Vtedy bola atmosféra na hrane rebélie a povstania a netrvalo dlho kým pustili aj nás. Mnohým sa týmto zážitkom nezačala Pohoda veľmi dobre. Po otvorení som teda utekal zaradiť sa do radu na lístky. Tam som bez dychu už len čakal a chilloval. Rozhodol som sa zájsť si po svoje prvé pivo, kým mi baby strážili vybojované miesto v rade. O pive som mal rozhodnuté, keďže som bol už dlho pred festivalom zvedavý na novinkovú trinástku. To som ale ešte nevedel, že bude na tomto festivale tou poslednou. Príliš mi nepadla po chuti ale aspoň mi osviežila čakanie. To sa pomaly krátilo ku koncu, a keď sme sa konečne dostali na rad nastal obrovský chaos. Nikto nevedel kto kde a ako sa kupuje a 79 eurová suma zaskočila nejdeného. Dva lístky na osobu donútilo niektorých ľudí sa otočiť a ísť znovu ku druhej predavačke. Ja som si na pomoc zavolal posily pretože som kupoval lístočky aj More. Po dozvedení, že 79 eurová cena bude po celý festival, cítil som sa podvedený a oklamaný. Všetky tie opletačky a utekačky a čakačky a skorý príchod prišli navnivoč.
Nevadí. Lístky boli kúpené a po rýchlom telefonáte som zistil že už aj stany boli postavané. Na ten môj boli všakovaké reakcie, tak som ho jednoducho musel ísť obzrieť. Ten modrý tátoš sa tiahol popri malých staníčkoch a vyzeral majestátne. Priestranná predsieň, bočný vchod a veľa priestoru na spanie. Dalo by sa povedať, že som bol veľmi spokojný. Tak som si sadol a užíval priestranstva po prvý festivalový raz. Vtom sa mi ozval Staniel so Žabou, že kde sme. Po ďalších piatich telefonátoch konečne pochopili kde sa nachádzam. Keď sa objavili aj so svojou ženskou armádou, pustili sa do stavania stanov. Otvorilo sa vínko a o chvíľu nás obklopovalo 9 ďalších stanov. Keďže všetky krky boli smädné, vybral som sa so svojim novým spolubývajúcim po fľašku do auta. Bolo ju potrebné preliať, preto sme museli vychlastať to víno z plastovej fľaše. Tieto úlohy máme predsa najradšej. Na bráne nás upozornili, že ak sa chceme vrátiť, musíme čakať v tom rade, v ktorom sme stáli aj pred otvorením festivalu. Ten predsa nebol taký zlý, tak sme sa vybrali za akoholom. Čakalo nás však nemilé prekvapenie. Ten rad bol asi trikrát taký dlhý, ako keď sme prišli my. Cesta naspäť bude veru nepríjemná. Pri aute sme sa dlho nezdržali a už aj sme sa vracali a zaradili na koniec nekonečného radu. Ak by sme nemali dve fľaše alkoholu v rukách, zrejme by sme to nezvládli. Po chvíli sme na to ani neboli sami. Ihneď sme si padli do oka s čechúňmi pred nami z Uherského Hradiště. A tak pri popíjaní a pokecaní sme sa pomaly, ale isto presúvali do areálu. Nakoniec sme sa predsa len dočkali a víno v plastovej fľaši vystriedala Francúzska Brandy. Čas utekal neúprosným tempom a prvé koncerty sa pomaly blížili. Orchester na hlavnom stejdži sme už nestihli, tak sme zavítali aspoň na Billyho Barmana so SĽUKom. To však malo od klasického Barmana obďaleč, tak som sa viac menej len fľákal hore a dolu. Pred Ziggym som sa však bol ešte najesť, pretože som bol poriadne vyhladnutý. Bol som rozhodnutý, že môj gastro zážitok začnem kalsickým langošom. Tam však bolo kopec ľudí, no bol som odhodlaný počkať si. Opäť som sa dal do reči s dievčatami čakajúcimi predo mnou. Tie ma stihli presvedčiť, aby sme sa stretli na druhý deň v divadle o Tisovi. Ja som nedbal. Keď som mal už konečne môj langoš v rukách, vydal som sa na môj prvý koncert na hlavnom stejdži. Keď som ta došiel, Ziggy Marley ma privítal peckou od svojho otčima. Postával som vedľa stejdža, vychutnával langoš a reggae hudbu. Známe i pár neznámych melódií ma pobavili dostatočne. Na ďalší koncert sa trebalo znovu presunúť pred Orange stage. Pred tým som však už musel zájsť do stanu, pretože sa po západe slnka mierne ochladilo. Tam sa Gabča sťažovala na čkory vo svojom stane a tak som ju pozval do môjho stanu. Pri dohadovaní sme si dali do kalíška a mohli sme vyraziť na už vyhrávajúci Polemic. Tam sme sa však dlho nezdržali a išli sme zas znovu do stanu. Bolo to v podstate jedno, pretože Polemic bolo počuť takmer všade. Po ceste naspäť pred stejdž to Gabča nezvládla s rovnováhou a rozbila si koleno. Červená krv nebola to najhoršie, čo som kedy videl, no boli sme len pár metrov od záchranárov, tak prečo to neísť zalepiť? Kým títo skvelí ľudia robili svojú čarovnú robotu, ja som sa pustil do debaty s jedným z nich. Sľúbil som im ráno kávu a dokonca som si dal aj budík, aby som na to ráno nezabudol a nezaspal. S Gabčou to bolo evidentne horšie ako som si myslel. Koleno bolo v poriadku, no na dnešný deň už mala asi dosť. Odtiahol som ju teda do stanu a uložil spať. To už bol čas na oficiálneho headlinera Pohody. To som si predsa nemohol nechať ujsť. Keď som došiel na Chemical Brothers, ostal som zaskočený. Bola to poriadna šou, a hoci som nebol na žiadnych trvrdších drogách, mal som z toho stavy aj bez nich. Toto som musel vidieť lepšie a tak som sa chcel predrať hlbšie do davu. Ako som sa snažil obísť jedného chalpíka, chytil ma okolo krku ako by ma išiel škrtiť. Nič sa však nedialo a ja som bol absolútne zmätený z toho čo sa deje. Po pár sekundách ma pustil a zasmial sa. Bol to len hlúpy a nepodarený žart. Rukou mi ukázal že môžem kľudne prejsť. Keď som ale vykročil, chytil ma znova a vtedy som si uvedomil, že tento chalan je asi typický fanúšik kapely na pódiu. Vybral som sa teda inou cestou ďaleko preč od neho. Táto krátka scénka ma poriadne naladila čo sa odohrávalo nielen na stejdži, ale aj na veľkých obrazovkách. Bolo okolo mňa niekoľko tisíc ľudí, no ja som sa bál. Všetkého čo sa odohrávalo. Nebol to však pocit, že by som sa tam cítil zle. Bolo to len čosi, čo som nedokázal pochopiť. Najmä keď na stejdž prišli obrovskí lego panáčikovia a z očí im vytryskovali svetlelné lúče. Po tomto prekvapení som dokázal stráviť ešte jednu pesničku, no musel som odtiaľ odísť. Bolo toho na mňa príliš. Stačilo mi audio z tohto koncertu, ktoré bolo po celom areáli celkom ľahko počuteľné, keďže nehralo nič iné. A tak som sa prechádzal a obzeral stánky. Ako som sa tak prechádzal po ranveji, spustili si dve najznámejšia a najlepšie pesničky, ktoré som si celkom užil. Po skončení koncertu som bol v miernom šoku.  A tak som sa vydal na prvý a určite nie posledný koncert Bazookas v ich malom žltom školskom autobuse. Ten som ale nikde nevedel nájsť. A nebol som jediný zmätený. Viacej ľudí sa obšmietalo okolo miesta, kde bol autobus zaznačený na mapke. Tam sa však nič neodohrávalo a i keď som počul nejaké zvuky hudby z obďaleč, vydal som sa do stanu. Veď predsa budú hrať ešte nespočetne veľa krát.

Ráno ma prebudili bdejúce partyujúce babenky, ktoré sa práve vrátili do stanu. Prišlo mi divné, že mi nezvonil budík, no pochopil som prečo keď som uvidel čas. Bolo sotva pol šistej. Ak by sa človek aj pokúsil opäť zaspať, Samov chrapľák mu to nedovolil  a tak po nejakej polhodinke sme boli všetci zobudení. Vydali sme sa na pivo, lebo čo už iné sa dá robiť o takejto hodine. Vyšli sme zo stanu, prekročili spiace telá a ľahkým krokom sme sa niesli vyprázdneným areálom. Takmer by som zabíjal po káve, lenže prišli sme v nevhodný čas. Káva došla a ja som nemohol splniť môj sľub záchranárom, hoci som im naozaj chcel kúpiť tú kávu. No a tak sme sa prešli areálom až sme narazili na najbližší otvorený stánok s pivom. Objednali sme si po radleri a studený nápoj nás osviežil ako ešte nikdy. Gabča si zašla po hot dog a sadli sme si na tribúnku. Tam sme si sadli a sledovali okolie. O šiestej ráno s radlerom v ruke. Bol to nádherný pocit. Išli sme letiskom a cítili sme sa akoby patrilo iba nám. No kým sme sa dotrepali naspäť do náško stanového mestečka, bolo už skoro osem hodín, a všetci návštevníci sa práve prebúdzali. Utvorili sa rady na kávu, sprchu či čistenie zubov. Ja som navyše nemal uterák a tak som sa pohrával s myšlienkou, že sa utrem do trička, alebo nechám slnko spraviť svoju robotu. Zatiaľ som sa však necítil ani len na vstanie zo zeme, tak sme len tak sedeli a rozprávali sa. Raňajky sme si zavolali priamo k nám vo forme TreskyTety. Po raňajkách do postele (alebo do spacáku na karimatke) som si išiel nabiť mobil a nakoniec som zohnal i uterák. Tak po skvelej sprche som bol znovu prebudený do nového dňa. To už sa blížilo k desiatej a ja som mal sľúbené, že pôjdem na Tisovo divadlo. Tak som sa so Samuelom vybral, lenže keď sme tam dorazili asi desať minút po začiatku, pred stanom postávala hŕstka ľudí. Dnu sa veru nedostaneme. Čo sa robí v takomto prípade je snáď každému nad slnko jasné. Tak sme sa s pivom v ruke vracali do stanov keď sme zbadali vláčik behajúci po ranveji. Nasadli sme a s miestenkami v prvom rade sme ostali len nemo žasnúť nad tou pohodou. Nielenže slniečko príjemne svietilo a vo vláčiku prefukoval príjemný vánok. Nielenže sme chillovali s pivkom v ruke a vozili sa po festivalovom areáli. Nielenže sa nám sedelo tak dobre, že sme odtiaľ nechceli odísť už nikdy. To, čo nám tento moment vyšperkoval, boli štyri babenky za nami hrajúce na ukulele a spievajúce tie naj pesničky. Bol to ako súkromný koncertík hneď zrána. Toto bola pohoda. Toto bola Pohoda. Tak ale nastal čas vysadnúť a uvoľniť miesto ďalším pasažierom. Odišli sme pomalým krokom do stanu. Po ceste som si vyzdvihol mobil a z 0% som mal po asi troch hodinách 0%. Veľmi ma to nepotešilo ale musel som sa len spoľahnúť na power banku od Dory. Samo Marek & Dora sa rozhodli ísť na diskusiu o monogamií a ja som sa rozhodol ísť s nimi. V preplnenom stane a diskusií o nevere mi však nebolo veľmi príjemne. Téma ktorá sa mňa veľmi netýka ma nenadchla, tak som sa rozhodol opustiť toto miesto a zamieriť si to do výrobných stánkov. Tam som ale nenašiel ani zďaleka to, čo som hľadal a tak som hľadal ďalej a ďalej až som narazil na ihrysko. To som hneď volal Ľubošovi, ktorý ale odtiaľ práve odišiel ale aspoň ma pozval na pivo. V Urpiner zóne sme sedeli na paletách a chillovali pod slniečkom. Toho sme si vraj dlho užiť nemali, pretože sa vraj blížila obrovská búrka. Spravil som rýchly pracovný rozhovor a zašiel naspäť do stanu. Tam sa zas raz nedalo robiť nič iné, ako ležať a zbierať sily na ďalší deň. To už pomali zneli zvuky Talkshow z Orange stageu. Tie som len letmo počúval a nakoniec sme sa vybrali až priamo k nim. To im ich koncert už však pomaličky končil a ja som sa chystal pred hlavný stejdž. Tam bolo zatiaľ ticho, ale na Scouting for girls som musel byť v popredných radách. Veď je to predsa môj druhý najväčší headliner tento rok. Zvítal som sa s Ľubošom a Dadkou a onedlho sme sa postavili a roztancovali. Skauti urobili skvelú šou a odviedli skvelú spoluprácu s publikom. Nejden človek bol nadšený ich tónmi. Kiežby bol tento koncert o niečo neskôr, nech naňho zájde pozrieť viacej ľudí, no i tak boli nesmierne super. Na pódiu ich vystriedal Kaščo a zahlásil, že o nejakých 30-40 minút má prísť prietrž mračien. Veľké obavy som si z toho nerobil, ale dobre vedieť. Po skončení ma konečne čakal koncert, na ktorý som chcel ísť nespočetne veľakrát. Sadol som si k autobusu a čakal, kým to celé začne. To sa stalo už o malú chvíľku, keď hlavný spevák kapely Bazookas povedal, že máme ísť dnu do autobusu. Nebolo žiadne prekvapenie že ja som nastupoval ako prvý. Veď som sa nevedel dočkať ich koncertu už pekne dlho a niekoľkonásobne. Ľudia sa natlačili dnu a keď bol autobus napratý fanúškami a hlavne hudobníkmi, skákačka sa mohla začať. Prvou sekundou prvej pesničky sa autobus rozkýval a všetci začali densiť. Prvý raz v mojom živote čo som bol súčasťou preplneného autobusu do posledného kúska miesta, plný spotených ľudí, a ja som bol nesmierne šťastný. Kopec hudby, zábavy a tancovania až to bolo neskutočné. Na moju GoPročku som ponatáčal niekoľko super videí a nevedel som sa spamätať z tejto skúsenosti. Hoci prešli len tri pesničky, nedokázal už dnu vydržať dlhšie. Chcelo to vzduch, ale aj viacej priestoru na tancovanie a tak som z autobusu vystúpil. Koncert však pokračoval a ja som ho počúval zvonku. Kopec ľudí sa bavilo a bavili sa aj kapelníci, čo bolo vidno na hydraulike autobusu. Ako dokázali niekoho zobrať na ruky v tom maličkom priestore v autobuse je mi záhadou, ale ako ten niekto dokázal ešte aj popri tom hrať je obdivuhodné. Trúbkari vyšli von, postavili sa na stôl a rozozvučili svoje dychové nástroje. Posledná pesnička zaklincovala skvelý koncert a ja som bol celý bez seba. konečne som celé toto skvelé šialenstvo zažil aj ja a zažil som ho priamo zvnútra. Tak som si po koncerte počkal na speváka, nech s ním môžem dať rozhovor o móde, lenže nielen on sa chcel napiť a doplniť zásoby tekutín. Zašiel som do najbližšieho urpiner výčapu, lenže ani som tam nedošiel. Narazil som na samočapovací kútik a hneď som už aj držal v ruke čapovaciu kartu. To som ešte ani sám netušil aká super vec to je a ako ju ešte využijem. S načapovaným pivkom ako pán (nezabúdajte že mám certifikát) som sa vrátil k lídrovi Bazúk a spravil som krátke interview. Plný nadšenia som prišiel ku stanom a začal som vykrikovať, že som práve zažil moje najlepšie dve hodiny tohto roka! Keby som len vedel, aký bude večer.
Po búrke stále zatiaľ ani stopy. bol to asi len falošný poplach. V to som dúfal a bol som rád, že všetky predpovede boli fiktívne. Beztak som si išiel zabezpečiť stan proti dažďu. Tam som dostal typ na Blossoms a tak sme sa tam vydali spolu s Gabčou. Tá bola tam kde včera, lenže tentokrát to prežila so zdravým kolenom. Tak sme dorazili a ľudia sa mohli na nás len pozerať s otvorenými ústami čo sme tam dávali také tanečky. Hudbička bola tiež veľmi príjemná a koncertík ako má byť. Nakoniec sme prešli areálom, a kým išla Gabča do ToiToiky ja som ju čakal s čerstvo načapovaným bielym. Z neba sa spustili prvé kvapky a my sme sa náhlili schovať do môjho stanu. Dažďu sme unikli no ten nás uväznil dnu. Gabči netrvalo dlho a spala ako drevo. Ja som si tam chvíľu poležal a počúval dážď kvapkajúci na steny môjho stanu. Zvnútra bolo sucho ako na Sahare a môj stan ma potešil už znovu. Do toho mi zavolal Stano, že sa ide ku nám schovať pred dažďom. Táto správa ma potešila, nakoľko som nemal s kým vychľastať to načapované víno. Keď však prišiel Samuel, stihol si akurát tak odpiť z dobrôho mlieka s príchuťou slaného karamelu (rozumej borovičky) a zapil glgom vína, a skončil asi tam kde Gabča. Tak ho v predsieni zložilo a ja som sa pustil do hodinového telefonátu s osobou, ktorá mi tam nesmierne chýbala.
Po tom všetkom prešlo už mnoho času a čuduj sa svete, bol takmer čas na môjho hlavného headlinera Pohody. Predtým som však zašiel na nejaké jedlo a aj keď bol Samo opitý, dal som na jeho radu. Veru, lepší bacon burger som snáď ešte nejdeol. Bolo to skvelé. Nastal ale ten čas a ja som sa postavil do davu. Vedľa mňa stál chlapík, ktorému som sa prihovoril. Na moje prekvapenie hvoril lámanou slovenčinou a moja zvedavosť sa dozvedela, že chlapík je z Texasu a robí v Bratislave. Bol som ohúrený, lenže to už prišli Marek s Dorou aby sme sa išli "pripraviť" na koncert. Keď som sa vracal SOJA už hrala svoju najväčšiu vychytávku. Bol som len mimo z toho všetkého. Také sólo aké dali na konci som snáď ešte nepočul. Bolo to ako John Frusciante vynásobený Johnom Squireom. Bolo to fascinujúce a to zahrali len prvú pesničku. Podišiel som bližšie k pódiu, kde som natrafil na nášho Texsasčana s jeho frajerkou. S nimi som densil a užíval so koncertu naplno. Dokonca mi dali odpiť z piva. Vedľa mňa ktosi zavoňal a ja som sa chcel dostať ešte do hlbších stavov. S tým nemal chlapík žiaden problém a stačili mi dva nádychy. Bol som ako v raji. Basák si to dával lepšie ako Flea a také ozvučenie basy som ešte nikde nepočul. Bolo to nádherné. Človek by si povedal, že tomuto koncertu nechýba už hádam nič. A v tom sa spustil ten najkrajší mrholivý dáždik, aký som kedy cítil. Bol som najšťastnejší človek v dave a neveril som čo sa práve deje. Príjemné mrholenie sa tak hodilo do hudby z pódia, až to bolo snáď neuveriteľné. Bol to nádherný zážitok a nechcel som aby sa tento koncert nikdy skončil. Síce hrali asi hodinu a pol, čo je viac ako obyčajná kapela na Pohode, mne to bolo málo. Chcel som viac a viac. Nechcel som aby sa to niekedy skončilo. A taktiež to nechcel ani jeden človek pod pódiom, keďže neutíchajúci potlesk sprevádzal hudobníkov z pódia. Potlesk trval pekne dlho a jednoducho sme ich nenechali odísť. Všetci sme chceli viac tejto nádhery. A tak sa aj stalo. SOJA sa vrátila na pódium a spustili "I believe". Je to úžasný pocit keď sú vaše prosby vyslyšané. Naložili ďalších 15 minút skvelej zábavy, vinikajúcej hudby a neuveriteľných sólových predstavení. Ale ako sa hovorí, všetko má raz svoj koniec a tak sa skončil aj jeden z najlepších koncertov, ktoré som kedy zažil. Bol som nadmieru spokojný a vnútorne šťastný, že som tam bol.
Naspäť pri stanoch sa žilo. Na moje obrovské prekvapenie boli Žaba so Samom bdelí, ba priam až súci na párty. O takejto hodine sa dá ísť snáď už len na Silent Disco. Veru bolo to pár rôčkov, čo som tam bol naspoledy a predsa som nechcel spať až do vítania slnka. Bol som si len rýchlo odovzdať mobily do nabíjačkárne a onedlho som bol späť. A tak sme sa zaradili do mierne dlhého radu. Postaršia žena oproti sa nám začala sťažťovať, že prečo sa s ňou nechce jej vlastný muž rozprávať a keď sme jej prezradili, že Samuel bol v semifinále Superstár, mali sme o zábavu postarané. Kubínčania pred nami sa začali s ním fotiť a pýtali si od neho pesničky na želanie. No a stáleopitý Samo im rád vyhovel. Preto sa čakacia doba na Silent Disco nezdala až taká zlá. Každý sme vyfasovali slúchadlá a nasadili sme ich na uši. Hlasná hudba nám bila do uší, tak sme ju museli prekričať, keď som ukazoval gabči dlhé kalčeto a ona sa ma pýtala, že kde je. Podľa smiechu všetkých naokolo som si uvedomil, že kričíme úplne zbytočne. Stačí si dať totiž tie slúchadlá dolu z uší a dalo by sa šepkať a stále by sme sa počuli. Je to tak, keď na Silent Disco chodíme tak málo. Pretancovali sme noc a vykričal som si hrdlo na známych odrhovačkách ako napríklad "Freed the desire". Pivká sme objednávali hlavne od milej dievčiny, Zuzky, z dvoch dôvodov. 1. Jeden chujko nás chcel okalamal o 4 evri na zálohovaných pohároch (ale my sme sa nedali a vypýtali si ich naspäť). 2. Samo ju odklikol na Tinderi a teraz ju balil. Preto sme sa sľúbili, že prídeme aj zajtra. Teda aspoň Samo. Ani len sám netuším ako to celé zbehlo. Na Silent Discu beží čas asi najrýchlejšie. Ale bola tu záverečná. Vonku však pršalo a o východ slnka bola núdza. Pred tým než sme odišli sme si však ešte povinne odspievali "Don't look back in anger". A pretože lialo ako z křhly, išli sme do stanu. Vítanie slnka po daždi zrejme nebude mať zmysel. Neskôr som sa dozvedel, že som sa mýlil a spravil som chybu, no aspoň si doprajem nejaký spánok.

Boli sme piati v štvormiestnom stane keď som zaspával, ale zobudili sme sa len dvaja. Bol som natlačený na stene a pol dňa pršalo. Obyčajne by som to nezvládol, lenže môj stan ma poctivo ochránil od všetkého mokra. Zvnútra nebolo vlhko a tak sa mi spalo príjemne. Aj napriek tomu, že sa všetci nahrnuli do nášho stanu, kvoli invázií čkorov. Tí sa nášmu stanu chvalabohu sčasti vyhýbali. Ráno bolo veľmi dlhé a lenivé. Také Pohodové. Nakoniec som sa donútil zájsť do spŕch. Tam som na moje prekvapenie stretol Texasčana zo včerajšieho koncertu SOJA. Hodil som s ním len rýchly chat a potom aj sprchu. (Tú som už hodil sám). Pomaly som sa prebúdzal do nového dňa. Rady na kávu boli zas také dlhé, že som išiel radšej na čapáka. V Urpiner zóne na paletách som posedel so Samom a kecali sme o všeličom. Ranné pivo na lačno porobilo so mnoou všeličo, tak som sa rozhodol zájsť na brunch. Pri SLSPke som sa mal stretnúť s Gabčou, čo sa mi vlastne ani nepodarilo. Stretol som sa len s babami, ktoré som poslal za ňou a ja som sa vybral za haluškami. Tam ma však čakalo sklamanie, keďže haluškový stánok bol zavretý. Hneď vedľa však mali pirohy, tak som si povedal že to bude primeraná náhrada. Avšak to som netušil, že dám 5,50 eur za 6 pirohov. Sklamaný a stále hladný som sa motal gastro stánkami a snažil sa  nájsť náhradu. Tú som našiel v podobe zemiakovej placky za 2,50. Extra smotanu za 50 centov som však už objednávať nemal, ale stále to bolo lepšie ako predošlé pirohy. Tak som si sadol do tieňa a snažil sa do mňa napchať veľkú placku. Až som ju nedokázal dojesť a teraz sa mi nechcelo ani len pohnúť. Samému sa mi však nechcelo byť a tak som si pozrel apku Pohodu, kde sa nachádzajú moji priatelia. Takmer som nedokázal uveriť vlastným očiam, keď som videl Ľuboša len na skok odo mňa a to práve teraz. Horko ťažko som vstal a vybral som sa ho hľadať. Samozrejme že stál pri objednávaní piva. Tak sme sa šli vykvasiť ku FM stánku. Proste chill. Na hlavnom stejdži už vyhrával orchester, ktorý by som si aj celkom rád pozrel, ale keby ma nedonútili ani by som neodišiel. Blížil sa ale Medial Banana, kam sa chystal snáď každý a všetci. V stane som si bol prezuť moje šľapky a našli sme Gabču, ktorá sedela na tráve a počúvala dredáčov. To však nebol Medial ako som ho poznal kedysi. Pesničky som skoro vôbec nepoznal a musel som odísť asi v polke koncertu. Krátko nato sme stretli Branka Radivojeviča s jeho malou dcérkou, tak sme s ním museli dať spoločnú foto. Aj keď ja by som ho absolútne nespoznal. Boli sme sa posadiť pred hlavný stejdž kde sa už chystali Puding Pani Elvisovej. Samov headliner. Začali zhurta a celkom to rozbalili. Keďže som ich už videl mnohokrát, nič veľké som si od nich nesľuboval, ale urobili príjemnú atmosféru. Tak som si pod pódiom hovoril, že by som rád dal môj fashion rozhovor so Slivkou. PPE Dali svoje naj hity a prvý vytancovaný koncert soboty sme mali za sebou. Potom padla štvrtá a namiesto Bukahary vystupoval na Orangi Donny Benét, na ktorého sa všetci chystali, po včerajšej Samovej skúsenosti. Ja som pôvodne plánoval ísť pozerať futbal, alebo zájsť na Bazuky, lenže prišla mi SMS od Ľuboša, aby som prišiel na SLSP. Netušil som čo tam je, lenže Ľubošove SMSky asi nikdy ešte nesklamali. Idiotape nebolo ani zďaleka to, čo som si predstavoval že uvidím. Traja Kórejci si dávali akési techno alebo čosi obdobné. Šikmook za bicími si to dával dobre, a celé to malo čosi do seba, no povedal som si, že pôjdem na ďalšiu dávku ska hudby v autobuse. Tam som ale nedošiel a prišiel som pozrieť na jednu pesničku Donnyho. Odtiaľ som presvedčil ľudí, aby išli so mnou na Bazuky a povedal som si, že po nich si pozriem aspoň druhý polčas futbalu. Na Bazookas sme len tak chillovali v tieni. Keď dohrali, chcel som ísť na hlavný stejdž. Tam hrali Everything everything. Povedal som si, že ten futbal predsa pozerať nemusím. Postačí mi len výsledok. Na EE som sa ale nedostal, pretože sme zasadili korene a zo zeme sme sa ani len neodlepili. Padla nám slina, ale Johna nevedel vybaviť nik. Skúšali sme hocikoho a hocičo, lenže stretli sme sa maximálne tak s ďalším dopytom. Keď sme sa nakoniec odlepili, všimol som si pri Ecocapsuli že tam ktosi hrá. A tak sme sa zastavili. Minikoncert ihneď skončil, ale to sme ešte nevedeli že ho vystrieda pán umelec Braňo Jóbus a Vrbovskí víťazi. Tak sme tam len žasli nad všakovakými hudobnými nástrojmi. Bolo to milé počúvanie, keď v pozadí hučal čad, snáď tá nahlasnejšia kapela festivalu. Malý tajný koncertík nás však veľmi potešil a veľmi sme sa tešili z takýchto nečakaných prekvapení. Po koncerte som zas len rýchlo módne vyspovedal Braňa a posunuli sme sa ďalej. Chceli sme ísť na vyhliadkovú vežu, lenže hore nás nepustili tak sme z toho nemali nič. Išli sme sa spoznávať s ďalšími ľuďmi. Tak sme sa zoznámili (mená si nepamätám) a pomali pokračovali ďalej. To sa už od nás Samuel odpojil a my s Gabčou sme zašli na svetový bacon burger. Bacona už ale nemali tak sme si dali aspoň bárebkjú. Ten taktiež nebol zlý. Sadli sme si ku Orindžu a vychutnávali skvelý burger pri prenádhernom západe slnka. Bol to skvelý pocit. A ako som sa už stihol presvedčiť predtým, keď si už človek myslí, že takáto situácia už nedokáže byť perfektnejšia, vy sa obzriete a tam hrá akustickú session PPE. Ďalšý tajný, súkromný minikoncert, ktorý veľmi príjemne prekvapil. Bolo to ďalšie high. Ako to už býva zvykom, využil som situáciu a urobil rozhovor so Slivkou, ktorá neni až taká pipka ako som si myslel. Po tom všetkom som sa vybral spolu s Gabčou vyberať niečo mojej Fláričke. Po krátkom hľadaní, som odchádzal s termofľaškou. Slnko už bolo zapadnuté a povedali sme si že tentokrát by nám to mohlo na výhliadkovej veži vyjsť a v noci by to mohlo byť ešte krajšie. Zaradili sme sa a zavolali Sama, nech má zážitok aj on. Z Nayka znela skvelá hudbička. La Fnfarria del Capitan zahrali dokonca aj Bella čau! Bolo to skvelé a energické spríjemnenie čakanie v rade. Rýchlo som odbehol po piuko nech naše príjemné čakanie je ešte príjemnejšie. Keď som si objednal moju prvú šetnástku za celý festival, povedali mi, že už ju nemajú. Keď ju začali čapovať potešil som sa. Vyšlo im však len pol pohára, tak som im navrhol, nech mi dočapujú pol pohára čiernej jedenástky, keďže je to rovnaká suma. Čo by bolo absolútne skvelé. Chlapík zrejme nepočul, pretože mi načapoval plný pohár jedenástky. Avšak mal som pivko v ruke, tak som išiel naspäť do radu. Tam sme prepustili malé bloňďavé dievčatko s tričkom Ramones. Nakoniec prišiel rad aj na nás a vyšli sme hore. Tam sme stále sledovali celý festival do tónov tancujúcej hudby. Keď sme sa dosýta nabažili výhľadu, rozhodli sme sa ísť. Odtiaľ som sa presunul na Budiš na Kronos Quartet. Huslisti, ktorí sa mi zdali veľmi zaujímaví. Sám Kaščák povedal pred koncertom že je to najsilnejší moment všetkých ročníkov, čo bolo asi trochu prehnané, ale keď zahrali "House of a rising sun" bolo to dosť silné. Bola ale sobota večer a stáť na nohách som už nezvládol. Ľahol som si vedľa na trávu, keďže tribúny boli preplnené, a užíval hudbu ležiačky. Bolo mi tak príjemne až som na pol koncertu zaspal. Narýchlo som zašiel do stanu kde bola Gabča, tak som ju zobral na Bazookas. Už zas. Tentoraz to bolo však naplno na veľkom stejdži. Moje nohy už dávno odišli a nevládal som ani chodiť, tak som si povedal, že koncertík len tak presedím. To sa ale nedalo. Musel som densiť ostošesť, aj keď zas do kotla som nemohol ísť. Bol to super zážitok a vynikajúci koncertík. Bazuky at its best! Ľudia šaleli a keby som neodišiel o pár minút skôr, tak by som vraj videl ako šaleli ešte dllllho dlllho potom. A veď právom. Bazookas sú kapela, ktorá by podľa mňa nemala chýbať ani na jednej Pohode. Po Bazukách sme však boli tak zničení, že sme si išli sadnúť na Budiš tribúnku. To sa s nami chceli stretnúť Samo s babami. No lenže nechcela prísť ani hora k Mohamedovi ani Mohamed k hore. Tak po kratšej chvíli presviedčania sme sa vydali my za nimi a po menšom hľadaní sme ich konečne našli. Tam si sedeli a bavili sa, ale už na sucho. Preto sme sa vybrali so Srandou po vínko. Tá chcela sladké víno tak veľmi, že si kúpila pol fľaše za 19 eur. Ja som sa len nemo čudoval. Ale toto vínko bolo jedno z najlepších aké som kedy mal. MŇIAM! Počas tohto celého hrala na Budiši posledná kapela Zeal & Ardor a bola veru celkom počúvateľná. Po dopití fľaše sme sa nakoniec posunuli ďalej. A kam? No kam predsa, keď už takmer všetky koncerty na Pohode skončili a plánujeme ostať hore až do vítania slnka. Silent Disco it is! Dnes tam bol asi dvojnásobne taký rad, ale teraz tam bolo aspoň viacej známych. Mali sme však recept ako si skrátiť čakanie, a tak sme dve babenky za nami zmotali na to, že Samuel je náš superstárista. Čakanie sa krátilo, aj keď iba pomaly, ale nakoniec sme sa dostali dnu. Ihneď sme zašli so Samom na pivko a ešte sme ani len nestihli pristúpiť k baru a už sa Zuzanka škerila na Sama. Bolo to veľmi komické. Silent Disco bolo dosť podobné so včerajškom. Nielen hudone, ale aj tým, že ani som sa nenazdal a škriekali sme "Don't look back in anger" a DJ nám povedal Fuck off. Dnes som už tak veľmi netancoval pretože už som nezvládal ani dýchať. Stále som sa držal pri živote a prebdieval až do konca. Opustili sme Silent a zamierili na chvíľočku do stanu. Tu som dal so Stanom najsuper rozhovor zo všetkých a pomaly sme sa pobrali na vec, na ktorej som nikdy nebol, hoci som tam vždy chcel ísť. Zobral som si deku, Gabča Spacák a na mojej siedmej Pohode som konečne po prvý raz išiel na vítanie slnka. Už po ceste sa obloha hrala farbami nad Trenčianskym hradom. Keď si to nejaké pipky fotili, skočil som im do záberu. Ostal som prekvapený ale ja, keď ma pozdravila Anička. A to nebol prvý človek, ktorého som stretol na Pohode po prvýkrát na úplnom konci festivalu. Ako som si zložil deku, nestihol som si ani len ľahnúť a ktosi ma zavalil otázkami o móde, ktoré som sa pýtal celý festival ja. Domča & Danka ma obklúčili a privítali ešte skôr ako slnko. Vtom začali rozihrávať Gypsy Čháve parádnym rytmom. Všetci sa roztancovali, len ja som si ľahol. Nezvládal som stáť na nohách. Takto som tam ležal prikritý spacákom a ľudia nado mnou sa pomaly chystali vítať slnko tancovačkou. Predtým však prišiel akýsi pochybný chlapík a uhádol Domčine a Gabčine meno. Keď potom ešte spomenul Kláru, bolo to creepy, pretože ho nikto nespoznával. Nakoniec vysvitlo, že sa s nimi raz stretol na grejpe pred dvoma rokmi. Bolo to veľmi čudné, prečo si to pamätá a tak sa radšej všetci vytratili a nechali ma tam ležať len s ním. Keď mi navrhol aby sme sa sfajčili, tak som nedbal. Potom sa však začal správať omnoho čudnejšie, tak som sa obalil do spacáku a deky a snažil nájsť mojich známych. To sa mi nepodarilo tak som sa postavil na kraj stejdža aby som videl aj na kapelu aj na prekrásny východ slnka. Len tak som postával a bokmi pohyboval do rytmu. Na viac som sa nezmohol. A tak som nevyspatými očami pokukával po ľuďoch okolo. Veď možno ešte niekde zazrem mojich známych. A aj sa tak stalo. Síce nie tých, ktorých som chcel, ale hneď vedľa mňa postával istý Texasčan. Stretol som ho už po tretí krát tento festival, čo bolo skvelé. Keď sa tak nad tým zamyslím, tento rok som spoznal kopec, kopec skvelých ľudí. Vítanie slnka je neuveriteľne nádherná vec a túto vec musím praktizovať každú Pohodu. Či už je pekne, alebo prší. Môžem s kľudom skonštatovať, že to predehlo moje očakávania. A počet ľudí, ktorí prišli o piatej ráno pred hlavný stejdž bol prekvapujúci. Niet divu, prečo je to tak populárne. Ľahol som si naspäť na zem a pri toľkej pohode som až zaspal. Zobudila ma až Gabča. Bolo všetkému koniec. Vstal som zabalený v deke, šáli a spacáku a vliekol som sa areálom. Bol som tak rozbitučký až ma Manko nespoznal. Ľahol som do stanu a ani neviem ako som zaspal.

Neprešli ani tri hodiny a bolo trebať vstávať. Síce veľmi pomaly, ale nakoniec som sa stihol aj pobaliť. Príjemné počasíčko, ktoré nebolo ani teplé, ani studené, tak akurát, nám spríjemňovalo ranné minúty. Bol som mierne hladný, ale vedel som, že si musím najskôr poskladať stan. Poslal som Samuela vrátiť poháre, a pustil som sa do balenia. Samo s Gabčou a ostatnými dievčatami sa pobrali preč a teraz som bol na rade ja. Ruksak som už mal více-méně pobalený, lenže poskladať stan úplne sám bol challenge. Ale nakoniec sa podarilo. A tak som bol pripravený opustiť areál Pohody po siedmy krát. Pomalým lenivým unaveným krokom som prešľapoval z nohy na nohu po ranveji. Narazil som na povedomú skupinku, ktorú sme neviem ako dobehli. Tak sme sa navzájom odprevadili k autám a teraz bol už naozaj čas ísť. Ako býva zvykom Ľubošovho šťastia, východ autom nám trval neuveriteľne dlho. Ale predsa sa nakoniec náš rad pohol a dostali sme sa von. Tentokrát pustili Ľuboša ďalej bez dychovej skúšky a pokračovali sme domov. Hoci sme zabudli odbočiť, hneď sme sa zvrtli a pokračovali na diaľnicu. V aute som dal ešte rýchly mikrospánok a došli sme do Žilinky. Tam ma čakalo Deja Vu. Oddych u Ľuboša (a aj sprcha keby fungovala), a následne do Brezian, kde nám Ľuboš urobil pizzu a zahrali sme si spoločenské hry. Ak sa z tohto stane tradícia, nebol by som proti. A s tým sa skončil nezabudnuteľný ročník!

Bola to síce prvá Pohoda bez Klárinky, a pred festivalom som sa tešil asi tak na tri kapely, ale to ako to celé dopadlo mi vyrazilo dych. Budem ešte dlho spomínať na tie prekrásne a úsmevné situácie. Aj keď príchod na festival neprebiehal podľa predstáv, pán Kaščák sa ospravedlnil a sľúbil, že sa to do budúcich rokov zmení. Narozdiel od Grejpu, viem že sa naňho môžem spoľahnúť.
Pohoda 2018 palec hore! Dokáže ju ďalší ročník prekonať?

PREMIER LEAGUE PREDICTION/REVIEW

So the season is now gone!
And what a season that was. Well, nothing exciting really happened with City claiming the title since the winter, but some records were broken. Could not be happier that City did NOT go unbeaten (what a game at the Etihad). Oh wait! I could be happier... Thanks Karius!

So was I being a bit psychic before the start of the season? Let's have a look:

REVIEW OF THE SEASON

1. Manchester City (My prediction: 2nd)
I must tell you I did NOT expect that! After season before how Pep's team played I could not see them winning the title by this margin. But the players turned up in most games. When you're reading through their line-up it's like looking at the class of '92. Talents everywhere. Sane, De Bruyne, Sterling, Jesus, Aguero... I could go on.
But to win it with such a style, nobody saw that coming.When I saw them live, they didn't thrill me as record-breaking team, but I guess they deserved it 100%. I went for them to be second anyway so there wasn't such a big difference to my prediction.

2. Manchester United (My prediction: 1st)
With Jose Mourinho's history I could see him coming with a title in his second season. The way he played proved me otherwise. Europa League winners were far from City's masterclass. With Sanchez boost in the winter I could still see the things turning in the right direction for them, but he turned out to be a waste of a player.
After all they did not do too badly. It's the way they play. That's certainly not the 'United way'.

3. Tottenham Hotspur (My prediction: 8th)
One thing that defined their season. Wembley. It wasn't only me who had few doubts about Spurs playing away from home. Their record there wasn't good and for the first few games I got it quite right. Away they were still pretty decent and later they even managed to take over the England's national home ground. Kane, Ali, Eriksen & Son begun to sparkle and Spurs were making their way upwards. My prediction was 5 places off and seriously, I did not see them succeeding. Their team spirit did amazing things though and finished in the bronze position. Very well done I must say. But now even the last Spurs' fan is pretty excited about the new stadium. So am I.

4. Liverpool (My prediction: 5th)
Never ever has one seen such an impact on a team than one man and one man only. Salah was a nightmare for the defenders of the opposite teams. Scoring week in week out I don't know where he was hiding until now. And to do that in such shit team is quite remarkable. After Coutinho left I did not see very bright future for the scousers but they beat unbeatable City. THREE times. I must applaud Liverpool for their season. Even making it into UCL final is something i didn't see coming in million years. Klopp is a man who can make miracles but would they be where they are without Salah? You know the answer. Everyone does. There would be no Champions league for them next season.

5. Chelsea (My prediction: 3rd)
This just wasn't Antonio Conte's season. His men worked hard, but not hard enough. FA Cup was some consolation, but with that performance? I suppose they take any silverware. Morata was a good buy but slowly faded in the end of the season. I think it is a huge disappointment not to play Champions League next season, bit they can blame no one but themselves.

6. Arsenal (My prediction: 4th)
Wenger in. Wenger out. Merci Arsene. MAKE UP YOUR FCKN MIND! Like their fans the whole season for Arsenal had been unstable. Shambolic football away from home however they turned up at the half-empty Emirates. Europa League was quite a surprise when beating Milan, but then Arsenal ain't big enough to face Athletico. I think they did alright. No Champions League for them, but they might get as well used to that. now that Arsene is gone. He was great, but a looser. If I knew this was going to be his last season, my prediction would still stand. The master of the fourth place. God! They are even worse than I thought they were. Unbelievable!

7. Burnley (My prediction: 17th)
I got this club wrong by the biggest margin. 10 positions between my vision and reality. And no wonder either. They were by far the biggest surprise in the league. I have to say I underestimated Sean Dyche. The man who some people rate as manager of the season. It won't take long until you see why. Little town called Burnley playing Europe? It is a dream. Some of the players called up for the World Cup as well. What an achievement by them and the whole team. I don't think they will have another season like this. Ever. Well lads, enjoy it while it lasts.

8. Everton (My prediction: 6th)
With all the new signings (including Rooney) I saw a big success ahead of them. But it was not to be. After struggling against Ruzomberok (no, really) their start to the season wasn't as planned. If you'd asked me if I wanted to change my prediction after first 10 games I would do so immediately. But they bounced back and big Sam deserves a credit. Well, most Evertonians will not agree, but he did a good job. And finishing eighth is a great achievement for Everton in my opinion.

9. Leicester (My prediction: 14th)
Who would say that former champions were just a one-season-wonder. Sacking managers every fortnight and unhappy players wanting to leave. The atmosphere is not right, but football is still enjoyable. And that's the main thing. They were even chasing Burnley for Europe but last couple of games saw them fall. But up to that point their season was pretty good. I don't think Leicester will ever repeat their greatest achievement and therefore they can be more than happy with the position this season.

10. Newcastle (My prediction: 7th)
I always liked Newcastle. Always wanted to visit and always enjoyed watching the magpies. That's why I knew that when they won the Championship they would be a real challenge for most Premier League teams. The strikers failed on a couple of occasions, but overall they were doing amazing things all season. The crucial point came when Martin Dubravka stepped in the goal. What a keeper he is. Thanks to him Northerners can celebrate the top half finish, but only just. Regardless where Newcastle would finish this season, their greatest achievement must be Sunderland dropping to League one. What a shocker.

11. Crystal Palace (My prediction: 18th)
It's safe to say that there wasn't a soul who saw that coming after seventh round of matches. No points, no goals scored, manager sacked, and good old Roy Hodgson took on the toughest task in the Prem this season. He got the most out of Zaha, the Palace star man, and was winning game after game. Selhurst park started singing about the glory again and Palace were going up and up. Truly magnificent turnaround. Before the season I did not see further than those 7 games and how glad I am I was wrong. I'm glad all over.

12. Bournemouth (My prediction: 13th)
The Bournemouth's finish turned out to be quite as I thought it would be. The season itself however had a different tune. There were serious worries about the relegation. Experienced successful manager, Eddie Howe pulled it together and calmed things down. Well done boss. Your Bournemouth future is long and bright.

13. West Ham (My prediction: 12th)
Hammers' season was one to forget. Angry, nervous and unstable atmosphere around the London stadium reflected their season. It was not satisfactory for really anyone. But when I look at that number 13 before their name, I just wonder how they got there. Things needs to change and fast. Moyes started the change with his departure, but the club needs more hammering than that to polish their good old days.

14. Watford (My prediction: 20th)
After sacking their manager for not speaking English I thought it was going to backfire. Mauricio Pochetino didn't speak English at Southampton and look where he's now. Little did I know that Marco Silva will step in his shoes. Although Watford did not play most exciting football this season, The Hornets earned a honorable place in the table. I thought they are going to do much much worse.

15. Brighton (My prediction: 10th)
Hard to know what to expect from newly promoted fresh teams in top flight. But I saw that Brigton are the team to fight hard and that they are capable of big things. They kept their cool and wouldn't get frightened or scared by any big Premier League games. They kept their dignity and showed everyone that they really belong here. I was maybe hoping for a bit of more shocking season. Anyway it turned out well for them.

16. Huddersfield (Reading) (My prediction: 19th)
Well, the first thing I got wrong was the Championship play-off final. I couldn't se Huddersfield to go through without even scoring a goal. Well, but that's football and even though if I knew it was Huddersfield to go up, I would have say the same thing. The German boss showed some class and had enough trouble to deal with towards the end of the season. No big drama, but they did a lot lot better than I expected. Well done on them.

17. Southampton (My prediction: 9th)
I misjudged this one a lot. I remember Southampton challenging European spots not so long ago. This season it was a different ball game. Lot of people writing them off with few games to spare, but Saints fought back. Although they were fighting until the last breath, they are saved and secure for another season. They can only hope, it won't be their last one for a while.

18. Swansea (My prediction: 16th)
The Welsh team was never a record-breaking giant, but they usually did well. It just wasn't good enough this year. And to be honest I can't see them succeed in the Championship either. We will need to wait long and patiently until we see them back up.

19. Stoke (My prediction: 15th)
This was perhaps the biggest shock for me. I could see them anywhere in the table. Challenging for Europe or fighting for relegation. In the end I always saw them in the league for a very long time. I like Stoke a lot, but changing from manager to manager and blaming all of them is not the type of attitude that is going to keep you up. It got out of hand and horribly!

20. West Brom (My prediction: 11th)
I think everyone shed a tear over Darren Moore at the end of the season. Before him though, there were a lot of tears but of different sorts. Baggies crying out loud and hoping to avoid the worst. They didn't. But kept fighting until the last day. If only they showed this fighting spirit earlier in the season. To be honest I can't see them fighting back soon. But who knows, if Darren will keep doing the great amazing work, maybe they'll be back in no time.


In the Fa Cup I went for Man City where I was quite far from reality although the Citizens won two other trophies. Did not really see Chelsea winning, but there you go.
Regarding EFL Cup I was expecting a surprise but Premier League champions didn't let it happen. My tip for Newcastle celebrating at Wembley was far from true.
Community shield is only one game, two teams, 50% chance. And I got THAT wrong. It only showed me what was coming. Arsenal ruined my predicted start of the season by beating my favourites in that game - Chelsea.
In Champions League I could have a thousand guesses but I would have never ever gone for Liverpool to get into the final. Chelsea in semis wasn't a bad guess though. It's always hard in cup games.
Europa League was straight forward for me and I could see Arsenal in the final easily. that wasn't to be, but only one game separated them from my fantasy.
I went for three particular teams to be promoted from Championship. Fulham was the only team I got right to be promoted. Although I saw them winning the league rather than having to go through the struggle of play-offs. I am so glad that they made it all the way through.
My second guess was Hull, which disappointed me a bit. There is a different orange replacement for them. And I must say I am excited about Wolves kicking the ball in the highest division.
For the play-offs I could see Sheffield United going through and for the first half of the season it seemed like I might be wrong. It seemed like they will get an automatic promotion. They were even occupying the golden throne for a few weeks but the second half turned sour. There is no doubt that it was quite a season for them anyway, beating Leeds & Wednesday at their own soil. Third team going up is indeed Cardiff which I do not like at all, however I wish all the best to Neil Warnock (even though he's a bit of a wanker, but we owe him).


So let's have a look at the two tables in total:

Final table:
1. Man City
2. Man Utd
3. Spurs
4. Liverpool
5. Chelsea
6. Arsenal
7. Burnley
8. Everton
9. Leicester
10. Newcastle
11. Crystal Palace
12. Bournemouth
13. West ham
14. Watford
15. Brighton
16. Huddersfield
17. Southampton
18. Swansea
19. Stoke
20. WBA

My prediction:
1. Manchester United +1
2. Manchester City -1
3. Chelsea +2
4. Arsenal +2
5. Liverpool -1
6. Everton +2
7. Newcastle +3
8. Spurs -5
9. Southampton +8
10. Brighton +5
11. WBA +9
12. West Ham +1
13. Bournemouth -1
14. Leicester -5
15. Stoke +4
16. Swansea +2
17. Burnley -10
18. Crystal Palace -7
19. Reading (Huddersfield) -3
20. Watford -6

Difference 78!!!
Shocking, right? Didn't get one team right. I can't believe it myself. I did not do well at all. Let's hope my next season's prediction will be much better. There you go:

PREDICTION 18/19

1. Tottenham Hotspur
Laugh however you want, but I can't help it. Their team is ridiculously great now and to add an excitement from the new ground will be enough to clinch the title. Playing at Wembley where they struggled for so long and still finishing second? If Poch and all the big names stay I can easily see them winning it and humiliating rivals Arsenal.

2. Liverpool
As much as I hate to say this, they are going through the league like a knife. Frustration from loosing UCL will drive them enough to beat the shit out of the most teams, but with uncertainty in goal, it will take a couple of games to get the defense right. This will lose them some points in the early stages what will become crucial in a long run. I just don't like to see them winning the league again. They are cocky enough as they are, so God help me to get this right.

3. Manchester City
After what turned out to be a record-breaking stunning season, there will be sky high expectations from the players in sky-blue shirts. With the arsenal of players they will be very difficult to beat, but their opponents will find a way through in the end. I'm sure they will keep playing beautiful football, but everyone else is watching and knows how to overcome their class.

4. Chelsea
After quite bittersweet season (finishing outside top 4/winning the FA cup), they will get back on tracks, but will fall too short for the top 3 teams. They will be lucky to win a fight for Champions League, but their nails will remain untouched. I don't see a big drama, but this will most certainly not be a season to remember. However it depends who will take charge in August.

5. Manchester United
I only see this as Jose's last season at Old Trafford. Three years is more than enough for him and it was only going downhill. So will be this season. Not qualifying for Champions League (again), and not winning much. With a star players like they have at United it's real shame what are they doing to this club. Hopefully someone reasonable replaces the Portuguese manager and turns things back around to the good old days.

6. Newcastle
I think I'm going to get this one really wrong, but I just can't choose anyone else to be there. Newcastle are playing some fine football and Rafa Benitez is not that inexperienced manager. I can easily see this happening and see Newcastle battling abroad as a reward of their hard-work.

7. Fulham
The club with such a great history, such a great ground and such a great players. Fulham WILL BE a success in the Premier League. They have a massive potential a will cause a lot of trouble to a lot of teams. Just wait and see, because these Londoners have something to bring and show you. I am really excited to see them play.

8. Crystal Palace
This prediction only stands if everyone at Serhurst will manage to keep their star man - Zaha, He is an unbelievable player and drags his team through the hard times. After Benteke's off-season, the striker will find his striking boots again.Anyway this will be an enjoyment to watch the Eagles this season. Roy Hogdson has done magnificent things with Palace and I'm sure he will continue to do so.

9. Arsenal
When I look at it from every angle I just can't see Arsenal going forward. They were actually quite shocking under Arsene Wenger and now he's gone there will be a highway down for them. Lots of players will leave I'm sure and Arsenal will become just an average team with no fans and as I said before, they will be relegated in the next 10 seasons. Starting the nightmare - now!

10. West Ham
Quite a story West Ham is writing isn't it? Angry fans hating what they watch, hating where they're sat, hating being a West Ham fans. Well it has come to an end. I think there is quite an exciting season waiting for them. Perhaps they won't make a history in football world, but maybe they will finally enjoy watching their own team under a new manager.

11. Brighton
What can I say? Brighton have been doing great and will keep on going in the right direction. It's quite remarkable that a club with such small budget and history can make such a big achievements. Winning the bottom half of the table will be satisfying enough for the seagulls.

12. Wolves
I must confess I wasn't very much happy when Wolves got promoted, but with each passing day I just cannot wait to see them in the Premier League. Some great players are waiting to earn a lot of points for fantasy managers. First season back and I'm sure they'll come up with more than few surprises.


13. Southamton
After a disappointing finish, only just dodging the bullet, Saints will kick themselves and get it together. Making a good signing or two will flashback and do them some good, I'm sure. If they stay with one manager for most of the season I'm sure they'll be alright and have rapidly less wrinkles on their faces this time.

14. Bournemouth
Eddie Howe's men never disappoint. I wonder what would happen to the club if anyone else was in charge. Having said that The Cherries became sort of predictable. Sort of  mid-table team with either off-chance of Europe positions or an occasional battle for relegation. They are now a part of Premier League and that's where they belong and that's where they should be.

15. Burnley
Worm-eating manager did wonders with his players throughout last year. But I think Europe participation is going to have its effect on the league. Even though I believe they are going to do  extraordinary well abroad, it's not going to be a pleasure to watch at home Turf. In the league they will need to focus to the end of the season where they will face a possibility of going down, however they are going to manage to play Premier League football one more year. In Europe they are going to do wonders and their fans will be well happy.

16. Everton
Big Sam is gone. And it will cost them. Unhappy fans will be even unhappier and the whole of England will be laughing at Everton. But in the end they will try their best and only last couple of games will decide weather they stay up, or go on to be forgotten.This story will have sweet ending though. But things will start turning after sacking Marco Silva. Don't get me wrong. He's a great manager and all but his record is not so jaw-dropping. And to control the chaos and egos at Everton is one big job and shoes too big for Marco to fill. When the Everton board realize this, it will be late, but not too late of course.

17. Leicester
Once a Champion, Leicester is going to have a nightmare of the season. I am sorry Leicester fans, but you will spend most of the season in the red part of the table. But don't worry. You'll do enough worrying in the season. You will manage to save yourselves. on the last day when you smash someone with high scoring parade and stay up on goal difference. What a story that would be!

18. Watford
I'm sorry  Mr. Elton John. I did it last year and I failed. I'm doing it again and probably will fail again, but let's just wait and see. I don't know what it is that tells me you will spend playing 46 games next season. I just feel this way for the second year predicting and I can't help it. You can only hope that I will be able to put you in the bottom three next prediction again.

19. Cardiff
Welshmen will cut their stay short. Premier League will be too big for them. I'm not saying it's going to be tragic, but it's not going to be enough. They will go down with their heads up high anyway. But there isn't a place for you in my final table.

20. Huddersfield 
After rather astonishing year David Wagner's team will find it a bit too difficult this time. Still giving some trouble to some of the opponents, but too much. Huddersfield will be confirm as first to go down in early days. And I'm talking March/early April. I am so terribly sorry for your fucked-up season.


So there it is. I'm sure the final table is going to look nothing like this, but one never knows. Cupwise anything can happen but I'll have a go anyway:

FA Cup - Liverpool
After a long wait they are going to celebrate after all. Beating another big name, Liverpool will add another trophy to their cabinet. Not much to celebrate apart from that I reckon.

EFL Cup - Manchester United
I suppose it's going to be another one of those horrible seasons for Man United, but Mr Mourinho will have another excuse to call it a success. Winning a Micky-Mouse cup will be enough reasons to defend his season, but resignation at the end will be the only option for him. I might get that completely wrong though.

Community Shield - Chelsea
This is a one-game-cup and a 50/50 chance. I got it wrong last time and I don't want to get it wrong again. But it's quite possible I will. But I can see Chelsea at their peak again and starting the season by beating the champions. They won it last year, so they can win it again. And make the right start for the new manager.

Champions league:
Spurs - Semi-final
Spurs can cause a lot of problems for the foreign teams as they've shown previously. But to get it all the way to the final is a bit too much I think. Especially if my prediction of them winning the league will become true. If that happens they might not even reach the semis. Quarter final might be their last stop. 
Liverpool - Q-final
After a surprise visit to Kiev, their luck is now gone. They will go through the group easily, but that'll be it. They will face a world-class team who will be a bit too much to handle.
Man Utd - group stage (3rd)
I can't help it, but the whole of Man United's season will be a failure.Beginning in the Champions league where they won't even qualify from the group. But to be honest I've got a feeling they are going to face a group of death and face Europa League in the next stages. There they will make it as far as quarter-finals.
Man City - winners
I know, another shocker isn't it? Although I hate if this would happen and hope for this to happen at the same time, There has got to be an English team winning the UCL at last. With the squad City's got it's not that impossible is it? Especially when they have no records to break in the league this time according to my table. Why not win it for the first time in their short and lame history?

Europa League
Chelsea - Semi-final
As I mentioned above, Chelsea is going to enjoy the season this time. Not winning the Europa league of course, but going furthest will be enough satisfaction for them. Especially after they'll screw up the league. But the Blues will qualify for the Champions League from the table position anyway so big things await for them. .
Arsenal - 1/16-final
The bad season continues on the European front. It's just not the same without their legendary manager. Getting knocked out by underdogs, Arsenal fans will go to hiding.
Burnley - 1/8-final
This is a story to tell your kids. Burnley will surprise you with a few shockers and you can just sit back and enjoy their history-making.

Championship promotions:
1. Derby
Frankie is a legend and will stay a legend. Appointing him as a manager was a right move, which will pay off for sure. Even though he hasn't got any managerial experience, Lampard is such a inspirational personality, all the Gods will wish him the best of luck to succeed. Only to make him face his former team, Chelsea, in the Premier League. What a story that would be. All that could be done. Could be done if Vydra won't leave. But really. Why would he? Rams are going to experience another glory days they haven't seen since sir Brian Clough.

2. Stoke 
There is a question who will go and who will stay, Because at the moment they have such a great team I only wonder how they got relegated. Crouchy, Shaquiri, Shawcross... I will really miss them and really wish they will be back soon. Much sooner than everybody expects.

Play-offs - Leeds
Everything can't go as you wish. I pray every minute that this fucking club and town and people will burn and die and will be wiped off the Earth forever, I have a dusgusting feeling that I'll banging my head over this. I really really wish they would get relegated, but something tells me a different story. If that happens, at least I can say I was saying it already before the season. I hope I'm wrong!!


So that's it folks! My predictions are done and dusted. If I'm right or wrong doesn't really matter. I'm sure this season will have a lot of twists and turns and shocks and debates and beautiful goals and amazing games and breathtaking stories.  
So just open a beer, sing your favorite chant, and support your club!


To make it more dramatic I'm gonna guess the lower league tables too:

CHAMPIONSHIP
1. Derby County
2. Stoke City
3. Middlesborough
4. Wigan Athletic
5. Leeds United
6. Sheffield United
7. Hull City
8. Blackburn Rovers
9. Birmingham City
10. Sheffield Wednesday
11. Aston Villa
12. Swansea
13. Brentford
14. Rotherham
15. WBA
16. Bristol City
17. Ipswich
18. Nottingham Forest
19. Reading
20. Millwall
21. Norwich
22. Bolton
23. Preston
24. QPR

League One
1. Sunderland
2. Portsmouth
3. Charlton
4. Peterborough
5. Plymouth
6. Blackpool
7. Wimbledon
8. Coventry
9. Accrington
10. Walsall
11. Southend
12. Bradford
13. Wycombe
14. Rochdale
15. Luton
16. Burton
17. Shrewsbury
18. Barnsley
19. Oxford
20. Bristol Rovers
21. Gillingham
22. Fleetwood
23. Doncaster
24. Scuntorphe

 League Two
1. Notts County
2. Swindon
3. Oldham
4. Exeter
5. Lincoln
6. Yeovil
7. Stevenage
8. Northampton
9. Tranmere
10. Carlisle
11. Grimsby
12. MK Dons
13. Cambridge
14. Newport
15. Colchester
16. Mansfield
17. Crewe
18. Cheltenham
19. Morecambe
20. Bury
21. Macclesfield
22. Crawley
23. Forest Green
24. Port Vale

So there you have it. ENJOY!

Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino album review

Se there it is. The magic date! The 5-year wait is over! Arctic Monkeys decided to drop another album and fans went mental. And rightly so. Leaving things as they were with huge 'AM' success people were gasping for the follow-up. That's why there was no doubt that even the last Monkeys' fan was dying in expectation.
The announcement came out of the blue, although for some long months there were few rumors that the band from Sheffield might be up to something. New pictures of Alex Turner with a beard left fans in confusion and were asking 'what's going on?'. New single was promised to be released 'soon' what can mean anything. It turned out it meant waiting forever as that never happened.
Released short audio track caused a mixed opinions on where this new album will be going. New artwork was out too which wasn't bad at all. The track-list was both funny and enigmatic, keeping secrets behind 'weird' song names. Social media went suggesting what the songs could mean and what the lyrics might be about, but it was nothing more than a wild guess. Pre-ordering was underway and I was playing with an idea of a good old-school vinyl. Later I was thinking that it was just an excitement playing with me and I will just download it illegally. (Thank f#ck I did not buy it)
It didn't take long when they announced first gigs, festivals & shows. It wasn't the best amount of live performances to present the new stuff, so people were silently hoping for more dates in the upcoming weeks. And their wish was granted. AM announced European tour and tickets were flying off the shelves. British were left with a tear in their eyes when no UK gig was in place. I myself considered quite seriously making a long trip to Copenhagen. At last minute I decided to postpone my decision and rather not to rush into buying a ticket. And I could have not make a better decision.
One morning I saw a Dublin show which was far more likely for me to go to than Denmark. Little did I know they announced a whole bunch of  UK dates. I sighed in relief as London appeared on it. Twice! Tickets were due to go on sale next Friday so I had my time reserved. Might be late for work but I'm sure it'll be worth it. I registered at all possible websites selling tickets and got things ready. When people found out about the prices, a massive outrage spread across the social media. I did not quite care. I have never ever seen my favorite band before and I had to do it now. They had a 3-year break. Who knows how long is going to be the next one?
I was up early on that Friday morning waiting for 9 o'clock deadline. Three web tabs opened and waiting. Even woke up my girlfriend to help me get hand on some tickets. Three websites did their best to load, but only one of them managed all the way through. And it wasn't Ticketmaster as many fans know that today very well. No standing tickets were left so I was a bit upset the first second, but it didn't really matter. I was about to see ARCTIC MONKEYS. I selected sector next to the stage but not too on the side. Just the best seats where you could still see the band. My heart was pumping with excitement as I entered my bank details. All was done and dusted and I was directed to the confirmation page. Only then I found out I just purchased tickets to the sector right opposite the stage. The furthest possible. Behind the standing area. I was 100% sure I clicked the right thing. The website let me down. I was broke, but the fact that neither my girlfriend on the other laptop, nor another few thousands and thousands of people did not manage to purchase any tickets at all, cheered me up a bit. Lot of fans were furious when additional shows were added, but not in the cities they wished them to see more than once (or twice). In the end there were four shows in London. Additional shows added in Sheffield will take place on Friday and Saturday, so devoted fans who got their tickets first for the show in the band's home town, will have to take mid-week holidays. Not a fair approach to their own fans in their own city I suppose.
The important thing was I could not wait until September and new album to be heard for the first time.
There was that long wait until 11th May-the release!
Firstly there was a live show after 4 and half years and fans just could not wait! It did not take long until the first videos appeared on the internet. New song called 'Four out of five' was stuck in my head after just a first listen. I could not believe my luck. I was just dreaming what the rest of the album might sound like. At that point the anticipation went through the roof. However it was only the first quick taste of what was coming.
On the Friday of May the 11th, album was out there available to the public ear. Early morning start at work prevented me from the early bird listen, but as soon as I went for my break, I stuck my headphones in my ears and fell for it. There it was. Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino:

1. Star Treatment 2/10
-The album starts in rather unusual slow tune. Setting a mellow mood to the listener. Then Alex starts singing his first words and one would find it quite extraordinary. Not so melodic, sing-along type of song as they used to make. After a little while it seems like he's trying to squeeze as many words in as little time possible, which creates a dull quick-singing in a slow pace rhythm. After a minute the riff becomes boring, repeating itself, but still awaiting things to kick off a bit in the chorus which never comes. Instead you are greeted with 'Martini police' which is sung in extraordinary weird voice. The tune changes too and cuts the song and make it sort of stop. By this point the song is ruined. The riff gets on the nerves slightly as it never changes throughout the song and the drums are doing the same for 5 minutes. Not a great start to the new album, but still listenable. Bit of guitar at the end gives you hope that it will be used further in the album.

2. One Point Perspective 3/10
-First tunes are magnificent, making a promising start to a banger song. The drums join and you can't wait to hear the rest of it. After 10 seconds the singing starts and it reminds me of some B-side to a demo song for a Humbug album. Things are not that bad at this point. The sound of guitar visits every now and then and you wait for a bit of kick. That comes a little bit too late, but still, when the amazing bass line begins. Having said that it still sounds like a B-side that just wasn't good enough to make it into the proper album. But then the chorus comes and Oh my... It sounds like drunk Alex Turner at 3am in the half-empty bar singing in high-pitched voice to entertain his friends. When you are glad it's over a decent guitar solo comes and the song saves its dignity. But at this point it might be too late. Second verse very much like the first and nice music outro. Still no signs of rock'n'roll or anything that's got to do with Arctic Monkeys as we once used to know.

3. American Sports 2/10
-Takes you by surprise from the first second when you hear some Star Wars sound. Drums and keyboard make a great song, but that Star Wars sound won't stop for the WHOLE FUCKING SONG. It makes it impossible to listen to. Alex still tries to jam as many long and complicated illogical words in as little time possible. Music is very very good, but unfortunately is ruined by the singing and KILLED by that fucking stupid space sound in the backround. Now a passionate fan is heart-broken and massively disappointed with this very poor work so far.

4. Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino 2/10
-Starts quite well with impressive bass. Hoping that at least one song will be worth listening to, your dreams are shattered and your worst fears are confirmed when (again) the singing begins. I don't know if anyone dared Alex to sing in the most funny voice he could pull and then said: 'Mate, you should make a song in this voice!' and he went ahead with it. It sounds RIDICULOUS! The strange chorus sound appears and joins well with his stupid voice. And that basically carries on like this until the end. Another horrible song.

5. Golden Trunks 1/10
-Now at least you know what to expect. After four terrible attempts to make a song there isn't much chance of a cracker is it? First two bass notes sound well but you won't even get time to get your hopes up. The worst distortion on a guitar I have ever heard. It's like you give a new toy to a ten-year-old and he plays with it and finds it hilarious how strange and angry noise his guitar makes. Then Alex starts to sing to another song that the one in the background. It's now when I start to question myself if this is just a big joke, a strange sort of experiment or a reality. Obviously no one hopes for the last option, although it looks most likely. Got to the point when I can't even be bothered to listen to the full song and start skipping tracks.

6. Four Out of Five 4/5
-The only song I heard before and the song that got me excited for the whole thing. Brings back a little bit of old Monkeys, but still far from perfect. I can imagine it being somewhere on Humbug, but it most certainly wouldn't make number one. Dangling somewhere on the bottom of a track list maybe. But yet by far the best song of the album. Nice rhythmic verse. After listening to the song, the chorus will stay in your head for a while, which can be a sign of a good song. I'm thinking I'll give it a 5 out of 10, but the bit after second chorus reassured me that this song clearly belongs to this album. Overall the song is quite good but Come on! This isn't Arctic!

7. The World's First Ever Monster Truck Front Flip 1/10
-Again, the song starts well, and I'm left worried what are they going to cock up. Oh, there it is! Alex's singing again. What is he thinking is quite unexplainable. It reminds me as if I'm in a Karaoke bar at 4am pissed off my tits and walk to the mic, the song starts, I have no idea what the song is, hearing it for the first time in my life and try to sing what I might think could be the right tune. I'm miles off the actual music being played to my sing-along, but my drunkenness makes me not care one bit. And in the empty Karaoke bar my even more drunk friend is loving it, but at the same time can't bear hearing it anymore. That's what this song reminds me of when I listen to it.

8. Science Fiction 2/10
-After the previous disaster you start liking the shit you would normally step over and ignore for eternity. The song is not SO bad, but it's not something you would put as your ringtone a feel a tiny bit proud when it rings on the bus or train. The whole of the song is the same and Matt Helders is trying some new drumming rhythms. Fair on him, but it just doesn't quite work here. I'm getting bored after some time and want to skip to another track.

9. She Looks Like Fun 1/10
-The guitar kicks it off from the start and I'm stunned. I can't quite believe what I'm finally hearing. Then some metal deep voice shouts 'She looks like fun' and it makes a strange melody. However the song sounds still quite good and when he says for the FOURTH time 'She looks like...' Ooops! What is that? Deep dark aggressive Whom! Wham! Boom! changes into slow easy-listening reggae in a fraction of a second. What just happened there? Did some radio waves fucked around my headphones and got some completely different song into my ears? Oh no! It's still the same song. Believe it or not. The bass link is very fine, but skipping from one type of music into another so drastically with no bridge or anything is a madness. Maybe it is a madness I don't quite understand, but I understand one thing! I DON'T LIKE IT! Big NO!

10. Batphone 3/10
-Great drum beat with a bit of that Star Wars sound again, but this time, it actually sounds reasonably good. Accompanied by a piano and a slow-pace singing. Only waiting for the flaws of the songs. Surprisingly, nothing major destroys the song and it is easy to listen. However it does not remind of Arctic Monkeys at all. Nice calm outro brings me to the joy of realizing that there is indeed a song I am willing to listen to until the end. Comparing to the other songs in this album, this one is actually quite alright.

11. The Ultracheese 3/10
-Slow boring ballad, playing triplets on drums and nice finishing touch to the album. Although I can't help it but ask myself if he's written the song hoping it will spread among the local gay-clubs, playing on Friday nights, trying to get people together on the dancefloor and bring love between them. It is nice and romantic and whatever, but really... You create a slow nice ballad. Are you seriously calling it 'The Ultracheese'?


ALBUM ITSELF
Maybe it was a good thing that there was no single released before the album. Maybe I would only give all my hope to the album and would be only met with disappointment. Maybe I would be ready for what was coming. Or maybe nothing would change at all and I would feel the same disgust as I am feeling now.
After a huge critic from the social media I was kinda looking forward to hear this and be one of those few people, who understand this kind of music and really quite enjoy it. But when I heard I was not impressed as you'd probably guessed from my review. The album itself being bad is not an issue here. To be honest, when Humbug went out, I hated it more than ever. I hated it because they changed their style and it was not what I expected. Now listening back I think it's one of the finest albums out there. Same thing could happen here. I just need a break and then look back at it and appreciate from a different perspective. So that wasn't the thing that annoyed me.
The reason why I am pissed right now is the way it was done. Alex did a solo album on his piano and showed it to his bandmates. Jamie Cook himself said he should go solo, but Alex denied. Which was nice of him, but the band had no other choice than go with it. Alex used his piano because he said a guitar stopped inspiring him. Now how can a professional musician say that? Nick Cave didn't struggle creating new music despite being 100 years old. Turner has lost it and I'm not sure he knows it. He grew a long hair and a weird beard, looking like a pedophile. People even got a petition going. When he found out about it he said: 'I didn't even know that was going on.' It was nice of him to say that people should not worry about his appearance, but there is clearly no intention of listening to his fans. It is a small stupid detail but it piles up in the end. Talking about not caring about their fans, how come they charge £25 for basic black shirt with 'Monkeys' written on it and £45 for the same type sweatshirt? And I can't even go on about the concert prices. Ticket selling was a failure for most of the people trying to purchase tickets in time and added shows were a chaos. Arctic Monkeys is not my favorite band anymore. I can't like anyone, who doesn't even care I'm out there wild for their music. I was finally going to see my favorite band live, but it's not happening anymore. I am about to see just another band I like. They don't do it for fans anymore. They clearly do it for money and fame. The four young lads from High Green are dead and big weirdo from LA or New York or whereverthefuckhesfrom replaced him. They don't do things like a band anymore. It's just Turner and his band. They should get renamed. Arctic Monkeys is gone. Alex Turner Band conquered the world and I hate it! They will never be back. :'(

PREMIER LEAGUE TOP ELEVEN

The season is not over yet, but being quite bored at work I decided to have my pick for the best eleven from 17/18 season in Premier League.
With Man City clinching the title yesterday, one would feel like their entire squad should be in it, but it is a lot more difficult than that. Trying to refresh my memories from all the season, from the start until now, I came across a realization that it is tougher than the Sophie's choice. I had my think about it so here we go:

GK:
David De Gea (MUN): It is ridiculous how he can be the best player in such a club like Manchester United. Making unrealistic saves since 2011. I think there is no doubt about this one. With anyone else in goal I'm sure United would be lucky to be fighting for the top 4 spot. It is incredible how many points he saved them. And it is not his first season doing it too. I believe that with a bit of luck sooner or later he can become the second ever goalkeeper to win Ballon D'Or. If only Ronaldo & Messi would retire, eh Uefa?

DEF:
Nacho Monreal (ARS): Being in a shit defense, in a shit team with shit fans, under a shit manager, and still stand out is quite a job. Even though Monreal convinced us he is indeed unreal. You probably can't expect him to have 38 great games, but in some cases he did exceptionally well. I had to pick him, because not many players can provide a good performance when you play along with Mustafi, Holding, Iwobi or Elneny (I know. Who?). Trust me I know what I'm talking about. It is impossible to play with muppets.

Marcos Alonso (CHE): For me Chelsea's player of the season. Defensively so great and yet he managed to stun us with some out-of-this-world crackers. A few pop in mind just thinking about him. Extraordinary player and one of the most underrated talents. Potentially still young, this bloke has got a huge career waiting ahead of him. It only remains to hope it won't go downhill.


Harry Maguire (LEI): As a former Blade I did not enjoy a rise of any other player more than Harry. To come from League one to relegating Hull and become a star-man at a club who were Champions just two seasons ago is something. There is no wonder that he fully deserved that England shirt. He's at his peak and will be for some time. One of the most crucial players outside top 6. I love seeing him succeed and I will see a lot more in near future for sure.


Jamaal Lascelles (NEW): What a comeback Newcastle had made. To be promoted as Champions is a beautiful feeling (I know what I'm talking about) and to come back to the Premier League in such a style as Newcastle did is magnificent. And that's only thanks to two people. The Gaffer and, of course, the best captain in North England. Such a passionate and dedicated player who always gives 100%. He never disappoints and always helps his team to do well.


MID:
Mohamed Salah (LIV): Surely unmissable player in anyone's eleven. The best transfer this season for sure. Leading the scoring table and a contender for a player of the season is hard to ignore. Hating scousers as much as I am, Mo is doing incredible things at Anfield. The thing is he's not up top alone striker (like Kane). He's actually classed as an attacking midfielder in many cases, and even if you'd like to call him a striker, he's jogging on the side of the forward trio. He is unstoppable and nobody wants to face him. You know you're in trouble if you face him with a ball on his feet. To make such a mark to the football game is something we won't see again anytime soon. Astonishing player. With his hair it just makes me wonder if Fellaini grew a beard when he's that good!

Wilfried Zaha (CRY): Surely a player of the season outside top 6. Without him Palace would be looking at 46-game season next year. I can't believe how good he is. Dragging south-Londoners through the Prem without any bigger notice from so-called punters. He is an essential player. I am only waiting for the giant bids from the 'big' clubs, because the lad has incredible potential.

Leroy Sané (MCI): This German became a real threat for the opposition. I wouldn't want to be the one to be marking him to be honest. He'd fly away from me in seconds, grabbed the ball and you know you're in trouble. Such a clever boy he is. It's a joy to watch him play. This player is simply inSané.

Kevin De Bruyne (MCI): Another champion who helped his team greatly to put hands on the Trophy. With Salah going toe-to-toe for the player of the season, in my opinion Kevin did not have such a huge impact on his team as Mo did on Liverpool. Surely De Bryune is one of the top players in Man City, however I think they would win the league even without him, while Liverpool without Salah would be scratching their heads now. Having said that, his vision and passing is one of the finest in the league and the youngster has a lot more to give us in next couple of seasons.


ATT:
Harry Kane (TOT): You've gotta go for Kane haven't ya? Breaking all the records at that age. He became a top elite of Premier League within months. Spurs would be shitting bricks without him. Yes they managed to win a few games without him, but I can't see it working in a long run without Kane. I can see a little bit of Ronaldo in him and you know the player is pure class when you say that.

Sergio Aguero (MCI): The famous striker maybe did not have his best season. I know, crazy right? I think he had better seasons before, but even when he's not at his best, he does his job, and more surprisingly, make Gabriel Jesus sitting on the bench. That is incredible. Very good player who never fails to score. And that's the purpose of a striker isn't it?

Manager:
Sean Dyche (BUR): Do I need to explain? Deep voiced, worm-eating, ginger goatee, witty, proudest proudsman in Proudswille. He's such a character! I don't think there is anyone who doesn't wish him to do well. Who would ever dream of Burnley playing Europe? Not just that, look how many years he has been doing this astonishing job in this little place. Loyalty is the value that you don't see that often these days. I have such a respect with this man. People could say Pep Guardiola deserves it more for the way City had played this season, but I can't agree with that. At the end of the day, it's the season that counts and City had several dull games where they did not really turn up. Also City have one of the biggest squads (in the world) with best of the best playing on the field and sitting on the bench. How many managers could do what Dyche did with Burnley squad? I still can't get my head around it.


The cut was so tight, that I decided to list the players who did not make it but only JUST. The line that decided was thinner than hair. Anyway if any of the above dropped out, these would be in their place straight away.

Reserve GK:
Martin Dúbravka (NEW): My fellow national talent. Transferred in the winter he had half the time to make this list than most of the others. What a job he's doing is hugely surprising to me and I am really flattered with that. Magpies new what they were doing when they signed him. It is a lot easier to play when you have a certainty in goal.


Reserve DEF:
James Tarkowski (BUR): Another player who deserves his England cap. Burnley famous for their defensive work, this man is responsible for most of it. Pulling out great performances week in, week out. Brilliant.


Reserve MID:
Heung-Min Son (TOT): This guy turns up when needed. Second Harry Kane of Spurs. The whole of Korea (orwheneverthefuckhesfrom) is rightly proud of him. I don't think there ever was a better Asian player. Looking at his season though, the lad should get more chance to play, and to play regularly, because one day, he'll be the best if given enough time.


Reserve ATT:
Glenn Murray (BRI): Nearly claiming his pension, this guy is still doing wonders in his field. Start of the season wasn't the best for him due to injuries, but this bloke got back on track within few games. This scoring machine for Brighton had really enjoyed himself on the Premier League scene. I did not see that coming, however he will provide his best until his very last day I'm sure.



With the amount of class I had to chose form, I just have to give some mentions to few players.
SHOUTOUTS:
Pascal Gross (BRI): Brighton's number one. I don't think many people knew him before the start of the season, but I don't think many people will forget him after the end. 

Junior Stanislas (BOU): Eddie Howe's men are quite extraordinary. They're nothing special, but still magnificent. This guy in particular. Such a clever boy, yet I can't see him play and shine for Real Madrid. But there is something about him. Something that keeps me off my seat and that makes my jaw drop. 

Nathan Aké (BOU): Bournemouth should be grateful for this man. He's doing so well and keeps doing it all the time. Players like him make this game enjoyable. 

Andreas Christensen (CHE): One of the most underrated players. The youngster got a chance and grabbed it with both his hands and legs and penis and whatever. I can't believe people don't talk about him. He went from zero to hero in one game! At Chelsea! U mad bro?! 

Kyle Walker (MCI): I remember very well how skeptic people were when he moved from Spurs. But the lad proved himself and is now an essential part of Man City's defense. Certainly deserves to be mentioned for the season that he's had. 

Jessé Lingard (MUN): This young chap is making it look easy. At Man United with Pogba, Lukaku, Sanchez, Matic or Mata to be one of the best players at his age is breathtaking! He's got a lot of work ahead of him to improve to the world class level, but he's in the right direction, with no sign of stopping him.  

Matt Ritchie (NEW): If you need someone who can turn up in every game, I've got this guy for you. Newcastle have got few promising strikers, who did not quite lived up to their potential this season, but Ritchie saved them all the glory by doing all the hard-work himself. 

Christian Eriksen (TOT): The Dan's name is mentioned a lot among Spurs' fans and you can see why. All the incredible work he's doing in that white shirt is being very appreciated at Wembley and rightly so. 

Xherdan Shaquiri (STK): Top man from Stoke. The Swiss wonder. Little amazing excellence. Small, fast, clever hero. I could go on. you get the idea... 

Troy Deeney (WAT): Proper captain who doesn't have his first season going well. He's been doing it for some time now and it doesn't look like he's getting bored of it. What a player he is. Surely the best player at Watford.


So that's that. Let me know what do you think and who I should (or shouldn't) include. It has been an interesting season regardless on who was the best, and everyone deserves an applause for entertaining us this year and making this the most beautiful game and competition on the planet.
#EPL