The announcement came out of the blue, although for some long months there were few rumors that the band from Sheffield might be up to something. New pictures of Alex Turner with a beard left fans in confusion and were asking 'what's going on?'. New single was promised to be released 'soon' what can mean anything. It turned out it meant waiting forever as that never happened.
Released short audio track caused a mixed opinions on where this new album will be going. New artwork was out too which wasn't bad at all. The track-list was both funny and enigmatic, keeping secrets behind 'weird' song names. Social media went suggesting what the songs could mean and what the lyrics might be about, but it was nothing more than a wild guess. Pre-ordering was underway and I was playing with an idea of a good old-school vinyl. Later I was thinking that it was just an excitement playing with me and I will just download it illegally. (Thank f#ck I did not buy it)
It didn't take long when they announced first gigs, festivals & shows. It wasn't the best amount of live performances to present the new stuff, so people were silently hoping for more dates in the upcoming weeks. And their wish was granted. AM announced European tour and tickets were flying off the shelves. British were left with a tear in their eyes when no UK gig was in place. I myself considered quite seriously making a long trip to Copenhagen. At last minute I decided to postpone my decision and rather not to rush into buying a ticket. And I could have not make a better decision.
One morning I saw a Dublin show which was far more likely for me to go to than Denmark. Little did I know they announced a whole bunch of UK dates. I sighed in relief as London appeared on it. Twice! Tickets were due to go on sale next Friday so I had my time reserved. Might be late for work but I'm sure it'll be worth it. I registered at all possible websites selling tickets and got things ready. When people found out about the prices, a massive outrage spread across the social media. I did not quite care. I have never ever seen my favorite band before and I had to do it now. They had a 3-year break. Who knows how long is going to be the next one?
I was up early on that Friday morning waiting for 9 o'clock deadline. Three web tabs opened and waiting. Even woke up my girlfriend to help me get hand on some tickets. Three websites did their best to load, but only one of them managed all the way through. And it wasn't Ticketmaster as many fans know that today very well. No standing tickets were left so I was a bit upset the first second, but it didn't really matter. I was about to see ARCTIC MONKEYS. I selected sector next to the stage but not too on the side. Just the best seats where you could still see the band. My heart was pumping with excitement as I entered my bank details. All was done and dusted and I was directed to the confirmation page. Only then I found out I just purchased tickets to the sector right opposite the stage. The furthest possible. Behind the standing area. I was 100% sure I clicked the right thing. The website let me down. I was broke, but the fact that neither my girlfriend on the other laptop, nor another few thousands and thousands of people did not manage to purchase any tickets at all, cheered me up a bit. Lot of fans were furious when additional shows were added, but not in the cities they wished them to see more than once (or twice). In the end there were four shows in London. Additional shows added in Sheffield will take place on Friday and Saturday, so devoted fans who got their tickets first for the show in the band's home town, will have to take mid-week holidays. Not a fair approach to their own fans in their own city I suppose.
The important thing was I could not wait until September and new album to be heard for the first time.
There was that long wait until 11th May-the release!
Firstly there was a live show after 4 and half years and fans just could not wait! It did not take long until the first videos appeared on the internet. New song called 'Four out of five' was stuck in my head after just a first listen. I could not believe my luck. I was just dreaming what the rest of the album might sound like. At that point the anticipation went through the roof. However it was only the first quick taste of what was coming.
On the Friday of May the 11th, album was out there available to the public ear. Early morning start at work prevented me from the early bird listen, but as soon as I went for my break, I stuck my headphones in my ears and fell for it. There it was. Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino:
1. Star Treatment 2/10
-The album starts in rather unusual slow tune. Setting a mellow mood to the listener. Then Alex starts singing his first words and one would find it quite extraordinary. Not so melodic, sing-along type of song as they used to make. After a little while it seems like he's trying to squeeze as many words in as little time possible, which creates a dull quick-singing in a slow pace rhythm. After a minute the riff becomes boring, repeating itself, but still awaiting things to kick off a bit in the chorus which never comes. Instead you are greeted with 'Martini police' which is sung in extraordinary weird voice. The tune changes too and cuts the song and make it sort of stop. By this point the song is ruined. The riff gets on the nerves slightly as it never changes throughout the song and the drums are doing the same for 5 minutes. Not a great start to the new album, but still listenable. Bit of guitar at the end gives you hope that it will be used further in the album.
2. One Point Perspective 3/10
-First tunes are magnificent, making a promising start to a banger song. The drums join and you can't wait to hear the rest of it. After 10 seconds the singing starts and it reminds me of some B-side to a demo song for a Humbug album. Things are not that bad at this point. The sound of guitar visits every now and then and you wait for a bit of kick. That comes a little bit too late, but still, when the amazing bass line begins. Having said that it still sounds like a B-side that just wasn't good enough to make it into the proper album. But then the chorus comes and Oh my... It sounds like drunk Alex Turner at 3am in the half-empty bar singing in high-pitched voice to entertain his friends. When you are glad it's over a decent guitar solo comes and the song saves its dignity. But at this point it might be too late. Second verse very much like the first and nice music outro. Still no signs of rock'n'roll or anything that's got to do with Arctic Monkeys as we once used to know.
3. American Sports 2/10
-Takes you by surprise from the first second when you hear some Star Wars sound. Drums and keyboard make a great song, but that Star Wars sound won't stop for the WHOLE FUCKING SONG. It makes it impossible to listen to. Alex still tries to jam as many long and complicated illogical words in as little time possible. Music is very very good, but unfortunately is ruined by the singing and KILLED by that fucking stupid space sound in the backround. Now a passionate fan is heart-broken and massively disappointed with this very poor work so far.
4. Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino 2/10
-Starts quite well with impressive bass. Hoping that at least one song will be worth listening to, your dreams are shattered and your worst fears are confirmed when (again) the singing begins. I don't know if anyone dared Alex to sing in the most funny voice he could pull and then said: 'Mate, you should make a song in this voice!' and he went ahead with it. It sounds RIDICULOUS! The strange chorus sound appears and joins well with his stupid voice. And that basically carries on like this until the end. Another horrible song.
5. Golden Trunks 1/10
-Now at least you know what to expect. After four terrible attempts to make a song there isn't much chance of a cracker is it? First two bass notes sound well but you won't even get time to get your hopes up. The worst distortion on a guitar I have ever heard. It's like you give a new toy to a ten-year-old and he plays with it and finds it hilarious how strange and angry noise his guitar makes. Then Alex starts to sing to another song that the one in the background. It's now when I start to question myself if this is just a big joke, a strange sort of experiment or a reality. Obviously no one hopes for the last option, although it looks most likely. Got to the point when I can't even be bothered to listen to the full song and start skipping tracks.
6. Four Out of Five 4/5
-The only song I heard before and the song that got me excited for the whole thing. Brings back a little bit of old Monkeys, but still far from perfect. I can imagine it being somewhere on Humbug, but it most certainly wouldn't make number one. Dangling somewhere on the bottom of a track list maybe. But yet by far the best song of the album. Nice rhythmic verse. After listening to the song, the chorus will stay in your head for a while, which can be a sign of a good song. I'm thinking I'll give it a 5 out of 10, but the bit after second chorus reassured me that this song clearly belongs to this album. Overall the song is quite good but Come on! This isn't Arctic!
7. The World's First Ever Monster Truck Front Flip 1/10
-Again, the song starts well, and I'm left worried what are they going to cock up. Oh, there it is! Alex's singing again. What is he thinking is quite unexplainable. It reminds me as if I'm in a Karaoke bar at 4am pissed off my tits and walk to the mic, the song starts, I have no idea what the song is, hearing it for the first time in my life and try to sing what I might think could be the right tune. I'm miles off the actual music being played to my sing-along, but my drunkenness makes me not care one bit. And in the empty Karaoke bar my even more drunk friend is loving it, but at the same time can't bear hearing it anymore. That's what this song reminds me of when I listen to it.
8. Science Fiction 2/10
-After the previous disaster you start liking the shit you would normally step over and ignore for eternity. The song is not SO bad, but it's not something you would put as your ringtone a feel a tiny bit proud when it rings on the bus or train. The whole of the song is the same and Matt Helders is trying some new drumming rhythms. Fair on him, but it just doesn't quite work here. I'm getting bored after some time and want to skip to another track.
9. She Looks Like Fun 1/10
-The guitar kicks it off from the start and I'm stunned. I can't quite believe what I'm finally hearing. Then some metal deep voice shouts 'She looks like fun' and it makes a strange melody. However the song sounds still quite good and when he says for the FOURTH time 'She looks like...' Ooops! What is that? Deep dark aggressive Whom! Wham! Boom! changes into slow easy-listening reggae in a fraction of a second. What just happened there? Did some radio waves fucked around my headphones and got some completely different song into my ears? Oh no! It's still the same song. Believe it or not. The bass link is very fine, but skipping from one type of music into another so drastically with no bridge or anything is a madness. Maybe it is a madness I don't quite understand, but I understand one thing! I DON'T LIKE IT! Big NO!
10. Batphone 3/10
-Great drum beat with a bit of that Star Wars sound again, but this time, it actually sounds reasonably good. Accompanied by a piano and a slow-pace singing. Only waiting for the flaws of the songs. Surprisingly, nothing major destroys the song and it is easy to listen. However it does not remind of Arctic Monkeys at all. Nice calm outro brings me to the joy of realizing that there is indeed a song I am willing to listen to until the end. Comparing to the other songs in this album, this one is actually quite alright.
11. The Ultracheese 3/10
-Slow boring ballad, playing triplets on drums and nice finishing touch to the album. Although I can't help it but ask myself if he's written the song hoping it will spread among the local gay-clubs, playing on Friday nights, trying to get people together on the dancefloor and bring love between them. It is nice and romantic and whatever, but really... You create a slow nice ballad. Are you seriously calling it 'The Ultracheese'?
ALBUM ITSELF
Maybe it was a good thing that there was no single released before the album. Maybe I would only give all my hope to the album and would be only met with disappointment. Maybe I would be ready for what was coming. Or maybe nothing would change at all and I would feel the same disgust as I am feeling now.
After a huge critic from the social media I was kinda looking forward to hear this and be one of those few people, who understand this kind of music and really quite enjoy it. But when I heard I was not impressed as you'd probably guessed from my review. The album itself being bad is not an issue here. To be honest, when Humbug went out, I hated it more than ever. I hated it because they changed their style and it was not what I expected. Now listening back I think it's one of the finest albums out there. Same thing could happen here. I just need a break and then look back at it and appreciate from a different perspective. So that wasn't the thing that annoyed me.
The reason why I am pissed right now is the way it was done. Alex did a solo album on his piano and showed it to his bandmates. Jamie Cook himself said he should go solo, but Alex denied. Which was nice of him, but the band had no other choice than go with it. Alex used his piano because he said a guitar stopped inspiring him. Now how can a professional musician say that? Nick Cave didn't struggle creating new music despite being 100 years old. Turner has lost it and I'm not sure he knows it. He grew a long hair and a weird beard, looking like a pedophile. People even got a petition going. When he found out about it he said: 'I didn't even know that was going on.' It was nice of him to say that people should not worry about his appearance, but there is clearly no intention of listening to his fans. It is a small stupid detail but it piles up in the end. Talking about not caring about their fans, how come they charge £25 for basic black shirt with 'Monkeys' written on it and £45 for the same type sweatshirt? And I can't even go on about the concert prices. Ticket selling was a failure for most of the people trying to purchase tickets in time and added shows were a chaos. Arctic Monkeys is not my favorite band anymore. I can't like anyone, who doesn't even care I'm out there wild for their music. I was finally going to see my favorite band live, but it's not happening anymore. I am about to see just another band I like. They don't do it for fans anymore. They clearly do it for money and fame. The four young lads from High Green are dead and big weirdo from LA or New York or whereverthefuckhesfrom replaced him. They don't do things like a band anymore. It's just Turner and his band. They should get renamed. Arctic Monkeys is gone. Alex Turner Band conquered the world and I hate it! They will never be back. :'(
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